I have no intentions of letting this blog become a journal of sorts – my intention is to share my story and help others understand eating disorders, as well as giving support and encouragement to those also bumbling along the recovery path – or searching for it.
I feel the need to explain to you how I have reached the position that I have – that is, being recovery focused and willing to try to stop eating disordered behaviour.
In February of this year (2011), I moved out of home and into our church minister and his fam’s house. Let’s call them John and Helen. They have provided me with a stable family environment, support, love, attention and care that I need (and have needed) in order to get through this illness. That has come at a price – many fights and tears and frustrated sighs and sacrifices. These things have made me realise that I am perhaps a valuable person, that I am perhaps not as worthless as I originally thought, and that maybe it is alright to have needs and need people and need family and need support. I have been reminded today of the enormity of this – they have done so very much for me. And they have done it because they care for me, yes, and want to see me well – but also because they want to see me continue to grow in Christ’s love and my relationship with Him … and also because they love Him too.
Susie Orbach writes this:
“…it is precisely the actuality and availability of a reliable emotional relationship that makes it possible for the woman to confront her inner distress. The [therapist] acts as the supporting external psyche that contains her, allowing her to let go sufficiently for the buried emotional wounds to emerge.”
Replace “therapist” with “L&A” and you will understand, therefore, the support that they have been to me this past year.
They aren’t perfect, and none of us are … But they took the time-out to remind me that I deserve far better than an eating disorder and that people really do care about me too.
I guess this is just a challenge to you guys too – how willing are you to show someone that you love them? Or that God loves them? It’s the most important thing in an eating disordered patient in order for them to successfully recover.
And more than anything, I want to show the people in my life that I care for them and love them in the things I do and express, being selfless and as understanding as I can be.
More than anything, I think Jesus is the ultimate role model in this.