As A put it to me – “New year. New experiences. New opportunities.”
New Years Eve isn’t a night I particularly want to recall. ED got a one up on me and after almost 2 months of no purging, I threw up dinner (nachos – one of my very scary foods). But perhaps it was symbolic of something – that ED will not be brought into the New Year; that it will just be one of those big, life-changing things that occurred in 2009 and 2010 and 2011 but will continue to be changed in 2012. Watching the Sydney fireworks on tv was very, very surreal – I’m so desperate for a better year than the last but at the same time am terrified that nothing much will really change.
I am surrounded by wonderful people. Wonderful people who want to see me achieve my goal of being eating disorderless. Wonderful people who have seen my very good days and my most terrible and love me exactly the same regardless.
2012 is the year I turn 20. I start bible college. I move into my own place. There is no way that I want any of this year to be marred by the eating disorder, and it’s definitely not my intention to let it happen. So I will continue to challenge myself. Maybe one day very soon I will tackle those nachos again.
I will continue to write my brave lists
And be happy
And when I am sad or worried or stressed, I will always make myself a cup of tea
I just want to continue to make change in 2012. I don’t want to carry any of these unhelpful habits into my adult years. And that’s something worth being stubborn about!
Happy New Year to all of you – I hope it’s a wonderful year full of new opportunities and big changes that you both learn and grow from!
Love, Rebekah xo.