Third time lucky. One of my biggest fear foods and they’re finally achieved! Topped off with a piece of pavlova. Yeah, it’s stressful and foods I once perceived as bad – but the point is, it’s just food and it’s not a food one tends to eat every day … So it’s alright. I’m not going to be any bigger for it, regardless of what my eating disorder tells me.
It’s so easy to be stuck in that moment and listening to what the ED is saying right then and there … but it’s illogical. It’s wrong. There’s no way that one meal or one snack or eating a bigger piece of cake than usual can make you blimp out within hours of eating it. Feeling full is temporary.
It’s difficult when you have food associations or negative memories of food to say to yourself “I’m just going to do it and it will be fine and I will be fine.” But in all honesty, we all know it isn’t about the food; that there’s something a lot deeper going on. The food is just a facade.
So – enough rambling, as I need to get ready for church. Point is – I conquered nachos and now I need to conquer mac and cheese and a caramel sundae so that I can sit back here in this exact spot and type excitedly about kicking my eating disorder right where it hurts.
Oh joy joy joy.
Love Rebekah X