Not completely. But Good Friday was a tough day, admittedly! The ED poked its little head out in a way it hasn’t in a long while and I was a bit of a stress-head all day. It was one of those “I can list everything I’ve eaten today because it feels like far too much and I’m going to walk the dog for just a little extra because I feel ridiculously awful” and a “Crap, I’m actually really considering purging right now and the last few months of progress might actually really be wasted if I do that” days.
Not joking, I was seriously frustrated with myself. Like I said, it’s been a long while!
I think I was most mad at myself because this whole weekend is so not about me. It’s all about Jesus! And God’s love and sacrifice and forgiveness and power over death and awesomeness. So yeah. The ED makes me hugely selfish.
It’s also not even about all the food I ate. And it’s seriously completely impossible for my arms to have grown hugely throughout the day. That doesn’t happen to anyone else, and I’m nothing special really so I doubt that could magically happen to me. I’ve been trying to think what might have triggered the food stress, but I can’t really pin-point anything. I think I just genuinely have no idea how people overeat on holidays and I wasn’t heaps keen, but then if I didn’t then I was being eating disordered! Catch 22 right there. Plus I know I’m so OCD and rigid-like, that deviating from the norm can be a little stressful sometimes too.
So yeah – how was your weekend? Even if it wasn’t food related, what were its ups and downs? What does Easter mean to you?
Love, Bee X