The title of this blog post feels WONDERFUL to write. Absolutely wonderful. Because at the end of this month, I will be 6 months bulimia free which is a very, very big achievement – and I’m ridiculously proud because I know that I’ve worked hard to change behaviours and it has paid off. I ALSO know that I’m had some very wonderful people pull me out of some very sticky spots and that I wouldn’t have had any of this strength to beat the ED without them, or without our wonderful, reliable and faithful heavenly Father :).
In the last 6 months, I have had 2 very big urges to resort back to this particular eating disordered behaviour – once when I was feeling an immense amount of stress regarding a few friends, another when I was feeling particularly overwhelmed about the unknownnnn and the future and things I didn’t know and perhaps a fear of being alone? Anyway. Those two events stand out in my mind as being the ones I had to battle through to stand here today and say that I am almost 6 months eating disordered free.
How does one get through 6 months without eating disordered behaviour? One seeks to employ healthier coping strategies. One becomes aware of the dangers of eating disorders and finds a desire to change and the determination to do so. One realises that food is delicous and enjoyable and that laxatives and restricting and binging and purging and NOT enjoyable activities in which to partake. And one realises that their actions aren’t really in line with their values and decides change needs to be made.
So, this blog post is about me, really. But it’s also about you! It’s an encouragement for YOU. A call to persevere through ze tough times, because there are much, much greater times ahead. And you know what? This isn’t just about persevering through eating disorders, it relates to any type of illness or disability or hindrance or loss or anything. I’m not saying it’s irrelevant – it is VERY relevant. But it doesn’t define you or your life and it’s not so big that you can’t fight it and win.
I haven’t recovered from an eating disorder in my own strength, or because I’m great. I’ve recovered because God is great, and He is sovereign and He is faithful. How immensely blessed we are.