Round 2.

Admittedly, my blog has been slightly neglected in the last two months. In fact, I use the word “slightly” there rather loosely – my blog has been completely, completely neglected in the last few months. It has remained untouched. I haven’t logged into it. I haven’t seen the array of comments that were left on my last post, way back from December 10 until approx. 5 minutes ago when I decided to bite the bullet and get back into the blogging scene.

It’s not that I needed a break, as such, from my blog. I haven’t been busy enough to neglect it entirely. And I definitely haven’t run out of things to say about eating disorders. If you know me well enough, you’ll know I always have something to say about everything.

I suppose what happened was this: I was naive and sat here behind my computer screen telling everyone that recovery wasn’t a straight path and no recovery would ever be perfect and that there are many bumps and hills and rocks and crevasses on the way to being well … and somehow expected something different from myself. I made so much progress last year and had a minimal amount of hiccups along the way – and so I really thought I was entirely well again. The reality is, I’m not perfect (however much I’d like to be) and I managed to relapse towards the end of last year. Something I never, ever saw coming.

So here we are again. bumbling along and starting that long road back up to being healthy and well after a very, very quick spiral back down into the eating disorder.

This post was written to encourage, not discourage. We’re not perfect, so of course our recovery from an eating disorder can’t be perfect either. And it sucks, but it’s also OKAY. Maybe we’ll never reach that stage of being completely and utterly, 100% recovered but the most important thing here is that we keep fighting the eating disorder anyway, regardless of the struggle.

Bekah X

10 thoughts on “Round 2.

  1. Hey there, I’ve only read one other post from you, that was that compassionate letter to self. I hope you can read it, as you step along, there’s something I’e learnt about, ‘relapse’, is this real or is this what your ed is saying? I don’t think even if you go to ed behavior and thought that ALL the work and the tools you have learnt just ‘disappear’, I think be gentle with yourself and look to your heart for all the tools you have used on the recovery road, they are still there, your ed may be louder, the TOOL KIT is there, pray you be kind to self. There is no perfection in humans, when I relasped my therapist, joked ‘welcome to the human race!’ Hope this doesn’t sound to heavy, I’m talking to myself as well.

  2. Thanks for your honesty! It will encourage all of us to stand on guard against ED slipping back into the picture. Even after decades of recovery I still keep my guard up and occasionally need to choose to ignore lies and suggestions that the dead and buried ED sends my way… We are not totally safe until we are in our Father’s house one day. Hugs.

    Blessings ~ Wendy

  3. Bek, Thank you for everything. But, what do I do if I don’t want to keep fighting? I don’t think I know how to fight, but whether I try to fight or just give up, I am in misery (note: i am a believer and I pray A LOT but I feel like That doesn’t help because I keep messing up). Bek, I am losing in this battle with my eating disorder. I am worried it is going to always win.

  4. Thanks for sharing 🙂 I’ve been in that situation a few times too – you think you are finally there and it seems easy and then all of a sudden you find yourself slipping and it can be really disappointing and disheartening. And I think we all wish we could be perfect but that is impossible. And god doesn’t want us to be perfect either because his power is make perfect in our weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9). Don’t give up, one day you will get where you want to be and it will be wonderful, hiccups along the way are chances to learn and grow stronger.
    Galatians 6:9
    Let us not grow weary in doing good. At the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we do not give up. 🙂
    Thanks for the encouragement you give through sharing your story.

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