Lately I’ve been thinking about my values – mulling over what it is that is most important to me, the things in my life that I love and treasure; what I want to fill my life with – and the values which I’d like to live my life by. I’ve particularly been thinking about it this evening, because I’ve essentially ditched bible study / ditched spending time with people whom I care about deeply so I can sit at home feeling sorry for myself and stay stuck in the routine that my eating disorder presently has happening.
Ironically enough, my eating disorder values things that are the complete opposite to what I, Rebekah, value. My eating disorder thrives on lies, deception, on withdrawing from friends and family – and essentially isolating myself. My eating disorder causes me to be stubborn, it prevents me from spending my time doing the things I love – studying, working, writing, singing, reading, drinking coffee and eating good foodsies with people, watching sunrises and sunsets without that niggling thought in my head that I should be elsewhere, should be moving and using energy, not just sitting and staring at the sky… And so much more.
It causes friction within my relationships; it makes me feel anxious and disconnected from and around people. It stuffs around with my health. It sways me to over-exercise and focus all my time and attention on that, rather than what I value. Essentially, it disrupts my life in such a way that I begin to live not by my own values, but by my eating disorder’s.
I don’t know about you, but that isn’t how I want to go about things on a day-to-day basis, really. I’d definitely like to be spending my time more wisely, doing things I love despite what my eating disorder has to say about it all.
So what does that mean? It means accepting invitations to events and shindigs even when I don’t feel like going. It means setting aside the time to do the things I love instead of avoiding them. It means feeling scared and doing it anyway, because scary is okay and it doesn’t prevent me from giving things a go. It means feeling uncomfortable. It means giving myself permission to be among others and enjoy my life. It means allowing myself to have a carefree attitude and telling my eating disorder politely it can kindly just rack off, for once.
I don’t know what it is that YOU value – but we all have values and we all desire to live our lives in such a way that these values are blatantly exemplified. And so today, I’d really like to encourage you to think about what it is that you care about most – the characteristics you want to develop and display within your work,school or uni environment, how you want your relationships to look, what you’d like to spend your time doing and what you could change in your lifestyle for your health and well-being – particularly if that’s something you care about and hold great concern for.
Don’t forget that you DESERVE to live a life that illustrates your values, because you are INFINITELY important and valuable beyond measure. So go ahead. Do it.