I am a Christian, and I have an eating disorder.
These are two very important things to know about me. That might shock people – a Christian with an eating disorder? What is this? Should they not be mutually exclusive? How can one have both?
It’s a bit of a misconception, really. Christians, just like anyone, are not immune to the struggles and problems that are a surety in our broken and fallen world. Christians suffer, too – with their physical and mental health – just like anyone. ALL individuals are susceptible to pain. This should NOT be something that we are afraid or ashamed to talk about – and this is not something we as Christians should feel guilty for, or beat ourselves up about. We can’t have the exceptional things that this life has to offer without being willing too, to experience the inevitable troubles.
So I’ve been mulling this over a bit lately – the fact that in these last two years since I’ve relapsed, many, many people have prayed and ARE praying for me. Heck, I’ve prayed about my eating disorder; for healing of both mind and body and restoration and clarity too. So I don’t get it. Why hasn’t He healed me yet? Why hasn’t He saved me? What did I do? Or what I am NOT doing, even? I’ve been asking these questions a lot in recent times.
Here’s something that struck me last night: I HAVE been saved. Perhaps not in the way that I, along with others, have incessantly prayed for – but nevertheless, I have been – and AM – saved, because of Jesus. Furthermore, I can live with the confidence that I will one day be healed and free from my eating disorder. That is a promise. That is a truth. That, my friends, is a surety like none other.
And this isn’t only true for me – it’s true for you, too. We can question it all we like – why me, why now, why for this long, when will it end? – etc, but that won’t enable us to overcome the eating disorder. What WILL help us in overcoming this heck of a battle is trusting that God has a plan somewhere in there to save us – knowing that God will give us both the strength and the courage to continue fighting the eating disorder – and nourishing our mind and our body adequately, in order to think clearly – and to make that choice, each and every day to do just that, despite the anguish and distress it is bound to cause. It’s obviously not that simple, and there’s clearly much more to recovery – but it’s definitely a good place to start.
So … here’s to holding on and having hope. Cheers.
P.S – I am profoundly aware that this blog post may stir up some comments, and that some people may have some issues with things that I’ve written here. Am completely, 100% open to discussion.