on exercise & whatnot.

On Sunday, I discharged from hospital again after a 7 week admission. It was supposed to just be a 3 week admission, but you know how it goes… You realise just how much there is to work on once you’re there. Continue reading

no words.

This afternoon we found out that a beautiful woman we were in treatment with earlier this year passed away yesterday. There are literally no words out there to articulate the sadness of her death, and that are no words to adequately express the shock and depth of the loss that so many of us are feeling right now.

The words I do have are these: when recovery seems never-ending, when recovery seems difficult, when the struggle doesn’t feel worth it… Remember that it is. Remember that there is life and hope beyond this. Remember that you have strength within you to beat this illness, and remember that this illness is unjust and unfair and wrong and devastating and that you deserve so much more than it can ever provide for you. If you can’t fight for yourself right now, please fight for those around you. Ash would be behind you and cheering you on every single step of the way.

Let’s make 2017 our year, and let’s look out for those around us and keep reminding them just how much we care for, love and value one another particularly during this holiday season that so many find so difficult.

Love,

Bek X

2016.

Last July after a 3 week admission, I discharged myself from a hospital where I had been receiving treatment for my eating disorder. I believed this to be my last admission. I walked out determinedly – desiring, more than anything, to keep myself on track and get on top of the eating behaviours and overexercise I had been struggling with for the last few years. I left there with a solid plan in place, follow up appointments with my doctor and dietitian and a willingness to do what was necessary for me in order to get my life back.

And I did. Continue reading

You Don’t Have to Hit Rock Bottom Before You Ask for Help.

I feel like in society, there’s this idea that we can’t ask for help until all hell breaks loose, until we’re in complete crisis, until we’re having a major meltdown, until the shit hits the fan… However you want to put it, our pride can often stop us from asking for help until we absolutely need it. We wait until we’re at rock bottom before asking for advice, asking for a hand with our uni work, asking for a shoulder to cry on, asking for help to follow our meal plan, asking for accountability for something we may be struggling with. This isn’t even specific to eating disorders – I think to some degree, this can be true of us all at various times throughout our lives. Continue reading

the worst that can happen.

This morning I had a cup of milk on my cereal. I know it was a cup, because I measured it. This is not something I usually do. This morning I had to force myself to measure out a cup of milk, as per my dietitian’s request, because this is not something I usually do and whilst I measure my cereal I do not measure my milk. I have always pronounced this to health professionals triumphantly – I do not measure my milk, therefore I am not obsessive and I can be flexible and I am smashing this whole recovery thing. Continue reading

For When the Battle Seems Never-Ending.

Long time, no blog. I’ve had lots of ideas floating around in my mind about things I’ve wanted to write about, but I haven’t been able to string the words together quite as I’ve wanted to. I figured though, that I may as well give it a crack. This blog post is something I’ve been thinking about recently, something I’ve needed to write for myself and be reminded of, and something I’ve wanted to write for those who may also be at a crossroads similar to my own. So here we have it – a blog about the overwhelming nature of recovery from an eating disorder. Thanks for reading, pals. X

Continue reading

Dear You.

Hey there, you. Reader.

If you’re reading this, it’s either because I made you, or because you’re re-reading it just for shits and gigs, or maybe because it means something to you. I hope it’s the latter, because I’m writing this for a purpose – I’m writing this to remind you of WHY you’re doing what you’re doing right now – that is, being here, and fighting the battle you’re fighting. I’m writing this because I want to remind you that right now, even though it seems as though you’ll never overcome this, that one day you will. I’m writing this to remind you that some days are harder than others and some days you might slip backwards. Some days you might make no progress. Some days you just might want to quit – and sometimes you might just even give in to that temptation, devote yourself solely to relapse. Continue reading

taboo topics.

This blog post is a little different than the norm but it’s sitting so heavily on my heart tonight that I can’t help but write it down. I’m praying immensely that God will use this post to touch your heart today. Continue reading

Listening to Your Body’s Needs … And Responding Accordingly.

First blog post in near a month! I think this is perhaps the longest I have managed to go without writing something for all you lovelies. Be sure though, I will continue to blog about eating disorders as long as I still have things to say! And if you know me well… You’ll know I always have things to say. Continue reading