giving myself permission to give in to the process of recovery

I’ve been considering blogging for a while now, but I haven’t felt like I’ve all that much to say. I’m not sure I’ve actually written this so explicitly before, but I actually tend to avoid blogging when things aren’t going so well in my world; if I’m engaging in eating disordered behaviours or whatever – who am I to be sitting here dishing out advice when things aren’t going great on my end? I feel pretty hypocritical even just considering it. So now you know – if I haven’t blogged in a while, it might be a sign that things aren’t good. It might also be a sign that things are great and I’m off living my life without a lot of time to focus on my blog or my eating disorder.

Anyway. That doesn’t happen to be the case this time around, unfortunately. Continue reading


You Don’t Have to Hit Rock Bottom Before You Ask for Help.

I feel like in society, there’s this idea that we can’t ask for help until all hell breaks loose, until we’re in complete crisis, until we’re having a major meltdown, until the shit hits the fan… However you want to put it, our pride can often stop us from asking for help until we absolutely need it. We wait until we’re at rock bottom before asking for advice, asking for a hand with our uni work, asking for a shoulder to cry on, asking for help to follow our meal plan, asking for accountability for something we may be struggling with. This isn’t even specific to eating disorders – I think to some degree, this can be true of us all at various times throughout our lives. Continue reading

the worst that can happen.

This morning I had a cup of milk on my cereal. I know it was a cup, because I measured it. This is not something I usually do. This morning I had to force myself to measure out a cup of milk, as per my dietitian’s request, because this is not something I usually do and whilst I measure my cereal I do not measure my milk. I have always pronounced this to health professionals triumphantly – I do not measure my milk, therefore I am not obsessive and I can be flexible and I am smashing this whole recovery thing. Continue reading

For When the Battle Seems Never-Ending.

Long time, no blog. I’ve had lots of ideas floating around in my mind about things I’ve wanted to write about, but I haven’t been able to string the words together quite as I’ve wanted to. I figured though, that I may as well give it a crack. This blog post is something I’ve been thinking about recently, something I’ve needed to write for myself and be reminded of, and something I’ve wanted to write for those who may also be at a crossroads similar to my own. So here we have it – a blog about the overwhelming nature of recovery from an eating disorder. Thanks for reading, pals. X

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Dear You.

Hey there, you. Reader.

If you’re reading this, it’s either because I made you, or because you’re re-reading it just for shits and gigs, or maybe because it means something to you. I hope it’s the latter, because I’m writing this for a purpose – I’m writing this to remind you of WHY you’re doing what you’re doing right now – that is, being here, and fighting the battle you’re fighting. I’m writing this because I want to remind you that right now, even though it seems as though you’ll never overcome this, that one day you will. I’m writing this to remind you that some days are harder than others and some days you might slip backwards. Some days you might make no progress. Some days you just might want to quit – and sometimes you might just even give in to that temptation, devote yourself solely to relapse. Continue reading

Avoiding Relapsing.

We all struggle with something right? Speeding, drinking, watching too much television, smoking, lying, overeating, under-eating, worrying, not reading our bibles or praying as often as we think we should or need to or as often as we like … the list is endless. Our struggles are as unique as we are.  The thing is, the only way that we can begin to change these issues we battle is by facing them head on. And that seems scary. And often, it even seems impossible. But we resolve to change anyway, because we know we should and we will be A Better Person because of it – and perhaps then we stick with it, with our new changes, for a few days or a week or a month or a few months – but we fail. We inevitably end up back where we started and we very dangerously say “Stuff it, I’m clearly incapable of making change long-term.” And so we give up. We give up and we stay stuck in our behaviours.

I’ve been thinking about this in recent times and thinking about how I have actually managed to avoid a huge eating disorder relapse and thought it was important I wrote some of these thoughts down. These are not only applicable to eating disorders; you might find there’s something written here that strikes you as relevent for your own life / situations you encounter etc – hopefully you do! These are a few things I have found helpful in the last 10 months. Continue reading

the awkward moment when rebekah thinks she may actually be relapsing.

Not completely. But Good Friday was a tough day, admittedly! The ED poked its little head out in a way it hasn’t in a long while and I was a bit of a stress-head all day. It was one of those “I can list everything I’ve eaten today because it feels like far too much and I’m going to walk the dog for just a little extra because I feel ridiculously awful” and a “Crap, I’m actually really considering purging right now and the last few months of progress might actually really be wasted if I do that” days.

Not joking, I was seriously frustrated with myself. Like I said, it’s been a long while!

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