giving myself permission to give in to the process of recovery

I’ve been considering blogging for a while now, but I haven’t felt like I’ve all that much to say. I’m not sure I’ve actually written this so explicitly before, but I actually tend to avoid blogging when things aren’t going so well in my world; if I’m engaging in eating disordered behaviours or whatever – who am I to be sitting here dishing out advice when things aren’t going great on my end? I feel pretty hypocritical even just considering it. So now you know – if I haven’t blogged in a while, it might be a sign that things aren’t good. It might also be a sign that things are great and I’m off living my life without a lot of time to focus on my blog or my eating disorder.

Anyway. That doesn’t happen to be the case this time around, unfortunately. Continue reading

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on exercise & whatnot.

On Sunday, I discharged from hospital again after a 7 week admission. It was supposed to just be a 3 week admission, but you know how it goes… You realise just how much there is to work on once you’re there. Continue reading

no words.

This afternoon we found out that a beautiful woman we were in treatment with earlier this year passed away yesterday. There are literally no words out there to articulate the sadness of her death, and that are no words to adequately express the shock and depth of the loss that so many of us are feeling right now.

The words I do have are these: when recovery seems never-ending, when recovery seems difficult, when the struggle doesn’t feel worth it… Remember that it is. Remember that there is life and hope beyond this. Remember that you have strength within you to beat this illness, and remember that this illness is unjust and unfair and wrong and devastating and that you deserve so much more than it can ever provide for you. If you can’t fight for yourself right now, please fight for those around you. Ash would be behind you and cheering you on every single step of the way.

Let’s make 2017 our year, and let’s look out for those around us and keep reminding them just how much we care for, love and value one another particularly during this holiday season that so many find so difficult.

Love,

Bek X

Blog Post #50.

You would think by now, after writing 50 blog posts and blogging since October that I’d have virtually not all that much left to say. How long can one can continue to write about eating disorders for, honestly? How can one possibly maintain an audiences interest in the long-term? I’ve worried about it before, but when it really comes down to it I stated in my about that I “seek to educate those who are interested in learning more about eating disorders, as well as receiving support and encouragement from good friends who are learning about my wacky eating behaviours!” I’m not writing things about eating disorders to show off or boast, in some twisted or distorted way. In actual fact, I’m showing you my weakest part in the hopes that it can make someone else stronger.

The more I write; the more people that message me on Facebook and share their own stories and experiences with body image … the more I realise that this really does affect all of us in someway. If it doesn’t affect you personally, it affects your mother or sister or brother or aunty or cousin. People really do struggle with body image.

So what if we realised that? What if we looked around and said to each other – “hey, I understand. But you actually have nothing to worry about.” What if we all had this mutual understanding of each others self-esteem, an acceptance of our own and each others flaws, a desire to help others realise that weights and calories and laps swam are really rather irrelevant?

The next time a conversation about diets and weights is going on around you, would you have the guts to say that you didn’t care? Or the guts to not participate in the conversation, even when every fibre of your being struggles against that?

I don’t care what your weight is or how many chocolate biscuits you’ve eaten. I don’t care if you drink real coke or diet coke. I neither promote overeating or undereating, but mindful and intuitive eating – that is, feeding your body the appropriate foods at the appropriate times – eating when you’re hungry and stopping when you’re full.

So, find freedom from that. Stop waiting around for people to stop talking about this and start loving themselves, because it isn’t going to happen unless you give them a little nudge in the right direction. You don’t think it, but you can actually make change happen here.

So, please talk about these things.

Love Rebheckherrrr xoxo.