giving myself permission to give in to the process of recovery

I’ve been considering blogging for a while now, but I haven’t felt like I’ve all that much to say. I’m not sure I’ve actually written this so explicitly before, but I actually tend to avoid blogging when things aren’t going so well in my world; if I’m engaging in eating disordered behaviours or whatever – who am I to be sitting here dishing out advice when things aren’t going great on my end? I feel pretty hypocritical even just considering it. So now you know – if I haven’t blogged in a while, it might be a sign that things aren’t good. It might also be a sign that things are great and I’m off living my life without a lot of time to focus on my blog or my eating disorder.

Anyway. That doesn’t happen to be the case this time around, unfortunately. Continue reading

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no words.

This afternoon we found out that a beautiful woman we were in treatment with earlier this year passed away yesterday. There are literally no words out there to articulate the sadness of her death, and that are no words to adequately express the shock and depth of the loss that so many of us are feeling right now.

The words I do have are these: when recovery seems never-ending, when recovery seems difficult, when the struggle doesn’t feel worth it… Remember that it is. Remember that there is life and hope beyond this. Remember that you have strength within you to beat this illness, and remember that this illness is unjust and unfair and wrong and devastating and that you deserve so much more than it can ever provide for you. If you can’t fight for yourself right now, please fight for those around you. Ash would be behind you and cheering you on every single step of the way.

Let’s make 2017 our year, and let’s look out for those around us and keep reminding them just how much we care for, love and value one another particularly during this holiday season that so many find so difficult.

Love,

Bek X

2016.

Last July after a 3 week admission, I discharged myself from a hospital where I had been receiving treatment for my eating disorder. I believed this to be my last admission. I walked out determinedly – desiring, more than anything, to keep myself on track and get on top of the eating behaviours and overexercise I had been struggling with for the last few years. I left there with a solid plan in place, follow up appointments with my doctor and dietitian and a willingness to do what was necessary for me in order to get my life back.

And I did. Continue reading

For When the Battle Seems Never-Ending.

Long time, no blog. I’ve had lots of ideas floating around in my mind about things I’ve wanted to write about, but I haven’t been able to string the words together quite as I’ve wanted to. I figured though, that I may as well give it a crack. This blog post is something I’ve been thinking about recently, something I’ve needed to write for myself and be reminded of, and something I’ve wanted to write for those who may also be at a crossroads similar to my own. So here we have it – a blog about the overwhelming nature of recovery from an eating disorder. Thanks for reading, pals. X

Continue reading

Battling the Eating Disorder: Guest Blogger.

Every now and then, someone will write a guest post for me. I’ve had some pretty special people write so far; one of my loveliest of friends, a teacher from my high school, a guy who’s experienced an eating disorder firsthand. I share these posts because I think they are important; I share them because I think giving people a voice is vital. And I share them because I think what they have to say is helpful and insightful.

So today I have another guest post to share with you. It comes from another lovely friend of mine who currently is battling an eating disorder. Her story is raw and insightful and honest and useful. But in saying all of that, if you are experiencing an eating disorder yourself, it may also be triggering. Please be wise about reading this post – if you have an inkling that this might be unhelpful for you and your recovery, please be brave and walk away from the computer. Honestly, I don’t think it’s too triggering – but we’re all different and we all react differently to these things. So yes – the choice is up to you, friend.

And regardless of if you choose to continue reading or you shut down the computer – I hope you have the most splendid of days.

Love, Bekah.

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How the Bulimic Can Learn to Eat Again.

The title of this blog post may be slightly misleading. Perhaps what I write here isn’t exactly what you’re looking for. I do hope, however, that it is somewhat useful for you regardless. This blog post isn’t a set of instructions which you can follow and then just begin eating normally again. It’s not a step by step guide on how to stop purging. Continue reading