giving myself permission to give in to the process of recovery

I’ve been considering blogging for a while now, but I haven’t felt like I’ve all that much to say. I’m not sure I’ve actually written this so explicitly before, but I actually tend to avoid blogging when things aren’t going so well in my world; if I’m engaging in eating disordered behaviours or whatever – who am I to be sitting here dishing out advice when things aren’t going great on my end? I feel pretty hypocritical even just considering it. So now you know – if I haven’t blogged in a while, it might be a sign that things aren’t good. It might also be a sign that things are great and I’m off living my life without a lot of time to focus on my blog or my eating disorder.

Anyway. That doesn’t happen to be the case this time around, unfortunately. Continue reading

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You Don’t Have to Hit Rock Bottom Before You Ask for Help.

I feel like in society, there’s this idea that we can’t ask for help until all hell breaks loose, until we’re in complete crisis, until we’re having a major meltdown, until the shit hits the fan… However you want to put it, our pride can often stop us from asking for help until we absolutely need it. We wait until we’re at rock bottom before asking for advice, asking for a hand with our uni work, asking for a shoulder to cry on, asking for help to follow our meal plan, asking for accountability for something we may be struggling with. This isn’t even specific to eating disorders – I think to some degree, this can be true of us all at various times throughout our lives. Continue reading

the worst that can happen.

This morning I had a cup of milk on my cereal. I know it was a cup, because I measured it. This is not something I usually do. This morning I had to force myself to measure out a cup of milk, as per my dietitian’s request, because this is not something I usually do and whilst I measure my cereal I do not measure my milk. I have always pronounced this to health professionals triumphantly – I do not measure my milk, therefore I am not obsessive and I can be flexible and I am smashing this whole recovery thing. Continue reading

For When the Battle Seems Never-Ending.

Long time, no blog. I’ve had lots of ideas floating around in my mind about things I’ve wanted to write about, but I haven’t been able to string the words together quite as I’ve wanted to. I figured though, that I may as well give it a crack. This blog post is something I’ve been thinking about recently, something I’ve needed to write for myself and be reminded of, and something I’ve wanted to write for those who may also be at a crossroads similar to my own. So here we have it – a blog about the overwhelming nature of recovery from an eating disorder. Thanks for reading, pals. X

Continue reading

onwards & upwards

If you know me well or read my blog every now and then, you’ll probably know that at the beginning of December, after a wee bit of a trigger, I somehow slipped back into my eating disordered ways. A shock, to say the least – but to be expected, given that recovery from an eating disorder will never, ever be entirely straightforward  – something I’ve been preaching for a little while now.

So today after setting a meal plan with my dietitian, I realised that again, something has to change and that again, I need to start the slow climb back up to being well. And healthy. And to be honest with you guys, I really, really miss apricot pie. And many other delicious foods.

So how does one do that, exactly? Continue reading

Listening to Your Body’s Needs … And Responding Accordingly.

First blog post in near a month! I think this is perhaps the longest I have managed to go without writing something for all you lovelies. Be sure though, I will continue to blog about eating disorders as long as I still have things to say! And if you know me well… You’ll know I always have things to say. Continue reading

Avoiding Relapsing.

We all struggle with something right? Speeding, drinking, watching too much television, smoking, lying, overeating, under-eating, worrying, not reading our bibles or praying as often as we think we should or need to or as often as we like … the list is endless. Our struggles are as unique as we are.  The thing is, the only way that we can begin to change these issues we battle is by facing them head on. And that seems scary. And often, it even seems impossible. But we resolve to change anyway, because we know we should and we will be A Better Person because of it – and perhaps then we stick with it, with our new changes, for a few days or a week or a month or a few months – but we fail. We inevitably end up back where we started and we very dangerously say “Stuff it, I’m clearly incapable of making change long-term.” And so we give up. We give up and we stay stuck in our behaviours.

I’ve been thinking about this in recent times and thinking about how I have actually managed to avoid a huge eating disorder relapse and thought it was important I wrote some of these thoughts down. These are not only applicable to eating disorders; you might find there’s something written here that strikes you as relevent for your own life / situations you encounter etc – hopefully you do! These are a few things I have found helpful in the last 10 months. Continue reading