the worst that can happen.

This morning I had a cup of milk on my cereal. I know it was a cup, because I measured it. This is not something I usually do. This morning I had to force myself to measure out a cup of milk, as per my dietitian’s request, because this is not something I usually do and whilst I measure my cereal I do not measure my milk. I have always pronounced this to health professionals triumphantly – I do not measure my milk, therefore I am not obsessive and I can be flexible and I am smashing this whole recovery thing. Continue reading

on new beginnings & choosing life.

As I sit and write this, I am curled up on my new bed, in my room, in my new house. Next to me sits my new plush chilli, and a copy of Margaret Atwood’s ‘The Blind Assassin’ that I bought recently for one single dollar at an op-shop. Across from me, in my new room, is a spare bed. And above that bed are two windows which look over the small courtyard we have out the back. There is an old, beautiful looking tree out there, and it is clear that it has suffered through its fair share of winters, too.

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For When the Battle Seems Never-Ending.

Long time, no blog. I’ve had lots of ideas floating around in my mind about things I’ve wanted to write about, but I haven’t been able to string the words together quite as I’ve wanted to. I figured though, that I may as well give it a crack. This blog post is something I’ve been thinking about recently, something I’ve needed to write for myself and be reminded of, and something I’ve wanted to write for those who may also be at a crossroads similar to my own. So here we have it – a blog about the overwhelming nature of recovery from an eating disorder. Thanks for reading, pals. X

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Dear You.

Hey there, you. Reader.

If you’re reading this, it’s either because I made you, or because you’re re-reading it just for shits and gigs, or maybe because it means something to you. I hope it’s the latter, because I’m writing this for a purpose – I’m writing this to remind you of WHY you’re doing what you’re doing right now – that is, being here, and fighting the battle you’re fighting. I’m writing this because I want to remind you that right now, even though it seems as though you’ll never overcome this, that one day you will. I’m writing this to remind you that some days are harder than others and some days you might slip backwards. Some days you might make no progress. Some days you just might want to quit – and sometimes you might just even give in to that temptation, devote yourself solely to relapse. Continue reading

So this thing happened…

Where I became really pissed off at the system and how crap it is and how hard it is to access care, and I wrote this letter to Jillian Skinner (the minister for health here in Aus) and I’d really appreciate it if you gave it a squiz and got pissed off too. ‘Kay, thanks.
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taking a moment to just not care.

On Tuesday, I had a fairly average, tiring day. I was quite distressed by various foods that I’d eaten and as a result, had experienced a big panic attack which was incredibly frightening. I slept a lot of the afternoon after that, hoping to make the rest of the day go as quickly as it possibly could.   Continue reading

In 2 or 4 or 5 Years Time…

Lately, I’ve been out of touch with my blog. In fact, I’ve been out of touch for pretty much the last year and a half. I apologise for that. It’s been a rough 18 months and I’m managing to slowly clamber back out of this ED hole I tripped back into – so here we are. Blogging again. Hopefully it starts to become a regular thing and can be of use to people! Plus, I’ve missed chu guys. Given I’ve not been writing as regularly, I’m a little out of practice at skilfully stringing sentences together – I apologise in advance for that too. Let’s see how we go, shall we?! Continue reading